Customer ServiceTechnical

More BT Broadband Woes

So my phone line and therefore broadband have gone down again.

For the full hilarious history, see my previous Blog post:

The phone line works, but has so much noise that you cannot hear anything above the crackling, so the broadband is intermittent. If somebody phones the landline, the broadband goes off for hours at a time.

I tried reporting it via BT’s website (connecting my Mac to my neighbours broadband), however, BT’s fault reporting website has a fault (oh the irony)!!

Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 09.55.19


So I used their chat system, and what a stupidly hilarious conversation it was.

I have included it below:

Sneha: Hello. I’m Sneha.Thanks for that information, I’ll check it and get back to you in a moment.

Mike Hardcastle: Thanks

Sneha: I am sorry to hear that. I look into this straight away.

Sneha: Can you please confirm me your first line of address with the post code?

Mike Hardcastle: xxxxxxx  xxxxxxx

Sneha: Thank you

Sneha: Just to confirm there is no dial tone?

Mike Hardcastle: Hugely crackly line! Broadband is intermittent. I suspect a copper issue

Sneha: Mike I am running some checks on your line please bear with me

Mike Hardcastle: If you want the history, you can check out my blog here:

Sneha: ‘We cannot see a fault on BT’s network for your line. The problem is very likely to be in your home. We will now help you with some simple checks to identify the problem

Mike Hardcastle: Did you read my blog?

Sneha: Please click on and let me know which socket you have as master socket?

Sneha: yes

Mike Hardcastle: OK great, then we can rule out some options. It is a copper issue!!!

Mike Hardcastle: We’ve done this about 5 times in the past year or two

Mike Hardcastle: Do you not have my answers on file?

Sneha: We need to do some checks as the test that I have run says The problem is very likely to be in your home.

Mike Hardcastle: No, it’s not, but OK, I’ll carry on with your questions

Mike Hardcastle: To answer the same questions for the 5th time…..

Mike Hardcastle: Type 3: Service Specific Faceplate (SSFP)

Sneha: Please Remove the two small screws on the faceplate

Sneha: Carefully take out the bottom half of the socket

Sneha: On the right hand side you should now be able to see the test socket

Mike Hardcastle: ?

Sneha: Plug a corded phone you know works properly into the test socket

Sneha: and let me know If the line is still noisy?

Mike Hardcastle: Seriously?

Sneha: yes

Mike Hardcastle: Sorry, no

Sneha: Mike I can send the engineer but before that there is a mandatory statement that I have to read and you have to agree to that


“I can send an engineer. However, if the engineer finds the problem is with your home wiring, your equipment, or our network has been damaged within the boundary of your property by things like trees, building works, corrosion or damp, a charge of £129.99 will be applied to your BT bill. Would you like to double check any of these things or shall I go ahead and book the engineer?”

Mike Hardcastle: Check the history

Mike Hardcastle: You’ll see that you’ve already charged me for a fault on my premises. And it turned out not to be the case

Mike Hardcastle: I appreciate you don’t know the history, but please look it up, it will help you greatly

Sneha: I have already checked it

Mike Hardcastle: OK, so do you refund the previously taken £129 ?

Sneha: Mike the checks says the fault is at your home.

Mike Hardcastle: That doesn’t answer my question

Sneha: I am sorry we cannot refund that amount

Mike Hardcastle: Interesting

Mike Hardcastle: So, are you proposing taking two amounts of £129 to fix the same fault?

Mike Hardcastle: BTW: You know your fault reporting system has a fault?

Mike Hardcastle: Troubleshooter

Account checks

We’re sorry, something went wrong.

Please get in touch with us so we can help to resolve your problem.

File attachment upload has started.

Sneha: Mike the refund can be proceed by the billing for that you have to wait for the fault to get closed

The file Screen Shot 2016-04-11 at 09.55.19.png (5984.16KB) was received.

Sneha: If you want the refund I can connect you to the billing team.

Sneha: Are you there?

Mike Hardcastle: OK, I have just taken off the faceplate and there is no port inside. I think you made a mistake

Sneha: There is a small hole on the right hand side

Mike Hardcastle: No, threre isn’t

Mike Hardcastle: The socket type is not exactly the same

Mike Hardcastle: There is no bulk to the socket.As shown in type 3. It is a flat faceplate, but has the same two ports but the ADSL is on the right, not on the left as shown

Mike Hardcastle: i.e. The exact faceplate is not shown in your example

Sneha: I have checked and even discussed it with my supervisor Mike the information given by me is correct.

File attachment upload has started.

The file Photo Booth (102.86KB) was received.

Sneha: ????

Mike Hardcastle: Did you get the photo I took of the port?

Sneha: I don’t have that access I am unable to open it

Mike Hardcastle: Let me try again

File attachment upload has started.

The file photo.jpg (102.76KB) was received.



Mike Hardcastle: I had to take with my iPhone and then take a picture of my iPhone screen with my Mac as I have no Internet, therefore no iCloud

Sneha: Mike this is not a Open reach test socket?

Mike Hardcastle: I didn’t say it was

Mike Hardcastle: I said it was type 3

Mike Hardcastle: Service Specific Faceplate (SSFP)

Mike Hardcastle: Except it is not as per your diagram

Sneha: It is not Open reach socket Mike.

Mike Hardcastle: You said that and I replied. Why are you repeating the same thing?

Sneha: Mike If you want I can connect you to my supervisor but to be honest he will say the same thing..

Mike Hardcastle: What?

Mike Hardcastle: I want my phone line fixed. Despite objections I did what you asked. But you were wrong.

Mike Hardcastle: Explain why that’s my problem?

Sneha: I am sorry . I am not wrong

Mike Hardcastle: How are you right?

Sneha: The picture that you have sent is not an Open reach socket

Mike Hardcastle: 3rd time you’ve repeated that

Sneha: There is no Open reach written on that socket

Mike Hardcastle: I know.

Mike Hardcastle: You’re trying to get up to speed

Mike Hardcastle: I told you

Mike Hardcastle: You didn’t believe me

Mike Hardcastle: That makes you wrong

Mike Hardcastle: So what do you do now?

Sneha: Mike, we are unable to progress with the Home checks. The best i can now do is to book an engineer appointment. For this a mandatory statement has to be agreed – which i have already send it to you. So please advise should i go ahead and book an engineer?

Mike Hardcastle: OK, book an appointment

Mike Hardcastle: And you can re-read this transcript any time you wish on my blog

Sneha: Before i go ahead and book an Engineer, i would like to send the mandatory statement again – “I can send an engineer. However, if the engineer finds the problem is with your home wiring, your equipment, or our network has been damaged within the boundary of your property by things like trees, building works, corrosion or damp, a charge of £129.99 will be applied to your BT bill. Would you like to double check any of these things or shall I go ahead and book the engineer?”

Mike Hardcastle: Ha ha, it just gets funnier

Mike Hardcastle: OK, book an engineer

Mike Hardcastle: And enjoy the status update on my blog (and twitter)

Sneha: Mike this is the procedure and we have to follow this

Sneha: okay

Mike Hardcastle: Have a nice day

Sneha: Please allow me few minutes

Sneha: I am booking the appointment

Mike Hardcastle: Sure

Sneha: Thank you

Sneha: Mike I have an appointment available for 12/42016 for 8a mt o 1 pm and 1 pm to 6 pm?

Mike Hardcastle: I’m not familiar with the year 42016 – that seems like several thousand years into the future?

Sneha: sorry it is *14/04/2016

Mike Hardcastle: but if you mean tomorrow, that’s fine

Sneha: yeah

Mike Hardcastle: OK, just checking, I know BT can take a long time to send an engineer out


So a BT engineer is coming out tomorrow, I’ll keep you posted…..


UPDATE ON BT Visit 12th April 2016 2:32pm:

No Internet for a few days! All copper cables running from green roadside cabinet back to exchange have been flood damaged!!! No spare cables free, a cable laying crew will need to come out to run new cables.

Ironically, FTTC has been setup and is working, but has not gone live to customers yet! This would make the copper cables between the exchange and roadside cabinet redundant….

So BT, next time I tell you something listen FFS !!!!!


UPDATE PHONE CALL on 15th April 2016 13:44:

Just to let me know that they will update me further on the 28th April?

WTF: Not, they will fix it by then, but they will give me a status update….

I tried to phone the number 0800 028 5085 back Monday morning, but just got a recorded message saying BT don’t need to speak to me…. WTF????  I need to speak to them, the arrogant ******’s

They have a working FTTC cabinet that if they connected me to, would solve the problem.

I have tweeted @BTCare and politely asked if somebody senior could call me back on my mobile.

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